Toward Safety, Toward Grace

Carl and I c:2015, pretending to be happy after completing a marriage course. LOL

  About this poem:

At one time, this might have been inspired by the sad and hurtful dynamics that plagued my marriage for many years.  The photo above was taken about 10 years ago after we had completed a course called ReEngage.  I wish I could say we were "fixed" after that course, but honestly, that is when the real battle began.

Several events and lots of soul-searching, therapy, and learning from books about subtle but deadly communication patterns we had all but perfected over 25 years of marriage. And learning changes I could make to reset myself and my  ways of coping--that is when the long climb out started.  And I am thankful to say, it continues today.

This poem certainly could apply to that long period of marital discord.  But actually, other strained relationships  were the catalyst for this musing.  I don't need to detail it, but suffice it to say, any key relationship can be shipwrecked if differences are left unaddressed, and grace is NOT  employed to seek understanding.

Carl and I in 2025, having a great time together on our trip to the Galapagos Islands.

Toward Safety
Toward Grace
 
“I don’t feel safe,” I thought.
A judging eye caught;
An awkward pause;
A question unasked.
An opinion wrought.
 
As fools, we assume
And call it the ‘truth’
To form poisonous fruit.
Serve it up on a platter,
To weaken the roots.
 
You don’t feel safe with me.
I don’t feel safe with you.
A quite avoidable schism
I pray we will break through.
 
Tremendous losses unaddressed.
Valuable treasures laid to rest.
Preferring our convenient lies
To cling to, as we fantasize--
Those memories pieced together
In such out of context ways.
 
“But, I know I am right!
I know I am right!”
A façade of self-protection
Is the self-made rule for non-engagement
Diminishing me.  Diminishing you.
Both of us even MORE unsafe;
Vulnerable to greater deception.
 
“WHAT IF?”
What if we tested our assumptions?
What if we asked the ‘scary’ questions?
 
What if I honored the good I see in you?
What if you honored the good you see in me?
 
What if we agreed to cherish safety?
“Fear not.”
Extend good will.
“I care what you are thinking.”
 
Crush the panic.
Slay the pride.
Throw down the judging gavel.
 
Really, “What are you thinking?”
Vulnerable only to each other,
but never to deception.
 
Could the barricade fall?
Could a bridge be built?
Could we protect each other?
Can we try?
Can we?